OO十XX 发表于 2009-9-13 04:37   全显示 1楼
很不错的文章. 我一口气全看了个边.
给点个人建议~后面肯定要写他姐姐的事情吧. 可以吧故事情节在些仔细点. 也可以通过猪脚
的妈妈来引诱他姐姐. 在吧他姐姐心里过程仔细描写这样的话效果会好很多.感觉楼主写的进度
有那么点点的跳跃性的思维.  恩 这基本是我的建议,如果楼主觉得可行希望能采纳..
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  • onsera 金币 +8 奖励 2009-9-13 06:13
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